Since I was a little girl, writing has been a great way to purge my feelings. I’m not much of a yeller or screamer. To me, words in black and white are much more powerful. If I’m angry I often write it down. It occurred to me that this can help my single readers too. It doesn’t matter if you keep it or not. As long as you feel better afterwards, it’s worth it. If you could write a statement to your ex, what would it be? Post it anonymously and please don’t use any full names.
When going through a breakup, Randi Rulanyne Picarelli and Stacey Leigh Rifkin from California say take the “Hard” road. Their Hard Cards say exactly what some of us would love to express, but politeness stops us. The card also gives the reader a much needed laugh. If you could write your own breakup card, what would it say? Please keep all names to yourself. We don’t want to be the cause of anymore break-ups.
I know mine would be a hot seller, not only boyfriend to girlfriend, but to certain places of business, too!
On the front it would say: Don’t bother calling me back.
Inside: Why should this day be any different from any other day?
About six months ago I joined Facebook. Through the site I reconnected with my pen-pal from second grade. We met on vacation when I was 8 and he was 9 and continued to write to each other throughout college. “K” came up with the motto “write back fast” with dust clouds on either side. We added “write back fast” on the bottom of each note. It worked as a reminder when we were kids and then exams, jobs took over and writing back fast became more like a childhood wish than reality.
Now, with Facebook our pen-pal relationship has picked up where we left off — dust clouds and all, without the need for a postage stamp.
I’m sure there are many more happy endings like mine than bad experiences with Facebook, but recently I read an article on Yahoo about people getting back at each other through the site Facebook. Boyfriends posting photos of themselves kissing others, people writing cruel messages for their network to see. Maybe it was better when we let the note sit on the dining room table until we found a stamp. Perhaps the immediacy of e-mail lets us communicate more often, but not in a smart, sensitive way. Maybe “write back fast” isn’t the best thing to do.
My colleague Leslie says she isn’t on any of the networking sites. She says, “The people in my life know that they are my friends and they don’t need a (Facebook) ‘friend request’ to be my friend.”
What do you think? Tell me about your good and bad experiences on Facebook or other social sites like My Space and Twitter. Below is the link to the Yahoo article mentioned in this blog.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090813/ap_on_re_us/us_facebook_jealousy
As a former fatty, I decided to weigh in on the latest Fox reality show “More To Love” at 9 p.m. Tuesdays.
“More To Love” is a dating show a la “The Bachelor”-style except the bachelor, Luke Conley, a 26-year-old real estate salesman, is not only a chubby chaser, he’s plump himself. Hmm, so what’s the theory here? All fatties must fraternize with fatties? So skinnies should only socialize amongst themselves?
It’s no secret that we are a thin-centric society; at least that’s what the media makes us believe. However, that doesn’t make for exciting television. Frankly, the show is boring. All of these ladies are beautiful. The guy is handsome. They’re all dressed well even if a few of the dress styles, in my opinion, were over the top — literally. I held my breath as one girl hugged Luke. I was concerned that her G-Rated embrace would morph into a triple X moment when they parted.
Luke met a girl, who is a rocket scientist and made her feel self conscious about her smarts, but responded sweetly to a girl whose opening line was to promise that she would teach him how to milk a cow. That’s when I dozed off only to wake up when they announced that each girl would receive a diamond ring (instead of a rose) from Luke. Then they focused on the women and their desperation. Some said they never went on dates before; others said they never received a diamond from anyone and were never told they were beautiful. Why do people say things like this when they know millions (OK, in this case, thousands) will be watching?
When the ceremony of elimination began, all the girls were asked to hand over their rings. They would only get them back if Luke chose them to stay. I practically yelled at the television, “run, Forrest, run” to your nearest jewelry appraiser.” What was Mike Fleiss, the producer of this series and others like the “Bachelor,” thinking? The skinny girls don’t have to give back their roses on “The Bachelor”; they just don’t get one. Boy, talk about making a person feel low. That’s the only reason I would be happy to gain weight: if a giant 12-carat diamond on my finger made the scale go up. When they took it away, I figured the show was about to get interesting. I was sure that Luke, a former college football offensive lineman, would be tackled by 13 angry women. But no! They just handed back the rings hoping that he would pick them. I’m still scratching my head on that one.
One thing I can understand is living with a weight problem. Until a few years ago, I was always battling the bulge. Now, I’m finally what society would say is “average sized.” In the Jewish world, I’m way too thin, but that aside, I definitely understand how our society judges others. However, what I’m undecided about is if “More To Love” helps the situation or piles on the humiliation.
For example, when contestants (including the bachelor) are shown individually on screen, their age, name and weight is listed. If this show is about acceptance and loving the person regardless of what the scale says, then why is their weight listed? It’s not their identity.
By the way, it looks as if only Luke was truthful. He was listed at 6’3″ and 330 pounds. The woman were mostly 200 pounds. I know that the camera adds 10-15 pounds, but I’ve seen 200 pounds on a 5’5 inch woman and it doesn’t look like that. Apparently, this reality show doesn’t include the realization of weighing yourself and being truthful. It’s not that I blame the ladies for fudging it. Only my maker and I know how much I weigh. But this drives home the idea that Americans view a heavy man favorably. “He’s a big guy,” they say. Many men lie about their height and weight to make themselves seem bigger and taller because that makes them seem stronger and more intimidating. It’s the opposite for women. If you don’t believe me, wait until they tell you about their size 6 dress. Even if they can just fit their head in it, they’re a size 6 since it’s a part of their wardrobe in their closet.
During a television interview, the girls were asked how they would handle it if “the twist” on the show (you know there is always a twist on reality TV) was that skinny girls were also invited to compete for Luke’s attention. That idea went over like winning a lifetime supply of Slim Fast. Either way, the show needs to do something to beef up this snoozefest. Maybe our readers will have suggestions. Hey, if you loved the show, don’t be shy about telling me. This blog is for all singles, even the ones who think it was OK to give back the diamond ring.
I saw the best bumper sticker the other day on the way to work. It said, “I think, therefore I’m single.”
I doubt that René Descartes, a married French philosopher who came up with this profound theory “I think, therefore I am,” would appreciate the twist to his famous saying about humanity. However, I almost bust a gut reading it in traffic.
It got me thinking what a great answer it is for all those people who start pressuring their single friends and relatives to get married.
Let’s be honest, these people usually tighten the marriage vise during a wedding reception. They don’t really care if you find someone, they just want to get another free 10-course meal — with dessert, of course.
So the next time someone asks you, “Why are you still single?” I’m sure Descartes wouldn’t mind if you use his theory with a single twist. In fact, what can he say about it? He’s dead!
So what are your best quips to the question “Why are you still single?”
Come on, you know you have a great answer, or at least one you would love to say. Add them to the comment zone.
Mingle for Singles blog
Erica Manfred, author of “He’s History, You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After 40,” says her best piece of advice is “You don’t have to be dependent on a man. You can take care of yourself and you can be happy alone without a man. You don’t need a man to have a good life.”
Now it’s your turn. Give an older divorcee a tip on how to overcome her attachment to her ex. Visit www.recordonline.com/singles
Soundoff about the news
Also feel free to sound off on Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina, who cheated on his wife many times during their 20-year marriage. In an Associated Press article, he recently he said he would die “knowing that I had met my soul mate,” when speaking about his mistress, Maria Belen Chapu, who lives in Portugal. But he wants to go back to his wife. What an insult to her, huh? These marrieds are totally confused, so we leave it to singles to work it out for them.
Singles, what do you think of the term “soulmate” means and do we use it too much?
Singles In The Valley blog winner
Singles In The Valley blog got a great answer for our previous question. The question was what is your favorite childhood game and memory. Unfortunately this picture signed in as “Anonymous.” So we need “Anonymous to contact us for their free Play Date tickets.
To be fair, we would like you to identify what you wrote June 24. Here’s how your entry started: “I remember playing Operation…” Contact me at aberkowitz@th-record.com
Whenever I see the game “Trouble,” a smile appears on my face remembering how much fun I had getting all four of my colored pegs around the board first.
The game was just a piece of cardboard, some colored pegs and a “Pop-O-Matic” dice container.
The Pop-O-Matic added excitement to the game. It was a clear plastic globe that popped when you pressed down (it made an “ooh ahh” sound) forcing the die to jump and land on a set of numbers. How practical! “Trouble” never lost its die, so you only had to keep track of the colored pegs.
For one summer in the 1980s, I was the popular kid on the block since “Trouble” with the Pop-O-Matic was the “it” game. Many laughs and fights broke out between my friends and sometimes my sister as “do overs” were in order when the die got caught in between numbers. Today, I found out there’s “Big Trouble” with an electronic talking Pop-O-Matic so that a whole new generation can get into “Trouble.”
Do you have a great memory of a game (board game or other type) that you used to play with your family and friends? Let us know. The best memory will win a free pass to the Play Date New York launch. Chances are whatever game you choose, you can probably recite the commercial too and it’s sure to stick in your brain all day long.
A winner will be announced in the column July 8th so watch to see if it’s you to claim your prize.
News update!
The first Singles In The Valley blog put the spotlight on fake profiles on dating sites. Now Sean McGinn of Brooklyn has filed a class action suit against Match.com, alleging deception and fraud.
McGinn says they are keeping inactive or expired profiles on the site to make it look like they have more people to choose from. Many aren’t even paying members like him so they can’t respond to his e-mails.
Here’s the link to the June 10 article on the Consumer Affairs Web site http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2009/06/match_lawsuit.html
An article about McGinn and his lawsuit also appeared on Geek Sugar at http://www.geeksugar.com/3281729. On that site there were 14 comments. Some people think he’s a hero and some think he’s a zero who needs to start looking at the profiles more carefully since they have a “last login” date on them.
Wouldn’t it be great if a siren sounded or a light went off when a marriage-minded single met their match?
It would take the fear out of making the wrong decision or the concern out of just missing “the one”.
Eric Schaeffer, star of “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single” on Showtime believes he already met two women he could have married.
The first time he felt he was too young. The second time he waited to long to pop the question and the girl left him on bended knee.
Do you believe that some people just miss their chance at marriage.
“Right now no one would get away. If I met her right now she wouldn’t get away whoever that’s going to be,” said Schaeffer.
But has he used up all his chances?
Can you actually miss the one by not going to the right events, rejecting a job offer or could their dream person have died in a war?
What do you think?
If it’s only about getting one chance at love, then why do some get none and others, like Elizabeth Taylor get seven?
Quotes to make your day
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
Buddha quotes (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)
“You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place.”
Anthony Robbins quotes (American advisor to leaders)
“Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘’Make me feel important.’’ Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.”
Mary Kay Ash quotes (American businesswoman, who founded Mary Kay Cosmetics
Source: http://en.thinkexist.com/reference/single_life_quotes/
Recently, I broke my hiatus from online dating sites. What made me start up again? A friend, who met a great guy on line. Of course, it’s only two months into the relationship, but she is in heaven. So I caved and all the usual happened. In the first week, I got a bunch of e-mails, a few pleasant exchanges.
Then I was visited by the phantom profile…you know who I mean. The fake profile. The too good to be true person, who just happens to have a photo of themselves shirtless in ShopRite.
In my case it’s the muscle bound man with several 8 by 10 glossy pictures of himself shirtless and casually flexing his muscles. A person’s looks are subjective since everybody doesn’t agree on what’s hot, cute, pretty or handsome. But this guy? Trust me, he had Calvin Klein ad good looking all over him.
What did he call himself? Lonely In New York. COME ON!
Now, I’m NOT shooting myself down here. I think I’m a pretty good catch, but when you’re 10 years younger than me (that means he’s 15 wink, wink) . You live in New York City and are a CEO of some Fortune 500 company, why are you contacting me in Orange County and asking for a date where we can hang out on the street corner and people watch. Maybe, you’ll take me to Burger King (you’ll spring for the Double Whopper).
Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit here, but really you know a profile is a fake or married when:
1. You write in your profile that you are only available to answer Mon.-Fri. 9 a.m.-5 p.m.
2. You have more professional head shots than Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts
3. This person e-mails you as soon as you cancel your online membership and pleads with you not to go just yet. I smell a web master at work here.
4. They write in very broken English telling you how they would love to come to the AMERICAS.
5. You repeatedly get winks and roses, but no words attached to the e-mail. Wait maybe he/she is not a fake. Maybe they are just illiterate.
Come on singles send me some of your tips on how to spot a fake profile or a married testing the waters on line. I’ve heard of web sites called date detectives that say they can spot a fake, but maybe there is a way that works for you. Share with your fellow singles. Hey, you don’t have to attach your name, but if you show up with the user name of “Lonely In New York”, I got news for you buddy, if YOU look like that and YOU are still lonely, there isn’t any web site in cyberspace that can help you.
Would you pay for a service to break up for you?
BreakUpservice.com used to help people break off their relationships. It seemed like a great business and since many people hate to deliver bad news, they would be willing to hire someone else to do it for them. It turns out the message didn’t always get across to the person receiving the bad news. They often thought it was a joke or were just more annoyed that the person breaking up the relationship couldn’t do it themselves.
Today, BreakUpservice.com is a Web site dedicating to helping people emotionally through the loss. They provide articles and advice, but they are thinking of going back to delivering bad news in a more responsible manner.
So what do you think? Would you hire a service to deliver bad news. Keep in mind it doesn’t only have to be in a romantic relationship. This service could be used in family breakups, job resignations etc. Would it be worth it to pay someone else? If so, what does that say about our society? Write your comments anonymously below.